David Aaron Gray

"Don't believe everything 
you hear on the radio"
- Charles Foster Kane

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The Man of Steel

Posted by davidaarongray on September 30, 2013 at 5:00 AM



The Original Superman?:

Stalin wasn’t his real name but a name he gave himself in his early twenties. With his real name being unpronounceable he took to using this in an attempt to hide his non-Russian roots. It means ‘man of steel’


 

Shorty McSensitive:

 

After his rise to power, popular nicknames for Stalin in the Soviet Union included ‘Little Father of the Peoples’, owing to the fact that he was only 5’4” tall. President Truman once described the despot as a ‘little squirt’ Stalin was notoriously sensitive about his height, having several portrait painters shot for portraying him as “too realistic.”

 

 



Above: Stalin in 1902; Ioseb Besarionis dze Jugashvili (in the present day country of Georgia...NOT RUSSIA!)




Above: Churchll and Truman (both 5' 8") urged to sit for the cameras by Soviet Minister Molotov at the beginning of the Postdam Conference in 1945 since their giant sizes would make Uncle Joey (at 5' 4") look bad. Notice Stalin's very straight posture (like a little child trying to stand on his toes). In fact, for all the heat Napoleon has received in the pages of history (and psychology) for being short, he was actually a full 2 inches taller than Stalin.


Arming Your Future Enemy + Murdering Your Own Generals = BAD Military Preparedness

During the 1930s, while Germany was amassing the largest military in Europe, Stalin focused on lesser known strategies for wartime preparedness:


First he had 90% of all Soviet officers executed for fear of a coup o From 1933 until Germany invaded the Soviet Union in 1941, Stalin, in an effort to build his economy and secure an alliance with Hitler, had the Soviet State Armaments Department focus exclusively on mass producing and selling Russian made tank shells, bullets, refined petroleum and anti aircraft weaponry to the Germans. By 1939, 80% of Germany’s oil and 70% of its armed projectiles were stamped with the seal “MADE IN USSR.”

And here is the kicker: If the above measures seemed counterintuitive to you they certainly were not viewed that way by the self-proclaimed “Defender of Mother Russia.” After all…he had an ace in the hole…


In 1931 he ordered leading Russian scientists to develop thousands of half human-half ape hybrid soldiers. This new mutant militia would be the core of Stalin’s new Red Army. He is quoted as saying “I want a new invincible human being, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat.”




Accordingly, in 1936, the Politburo put the Soviet Academy of Science to the task of creating the ‘living war machine.’ The program was terminated when Hitler invaded the Soviet Union in 1941 and Stalin begrudgingly had to leave his little play world and start developing (and using) real weapons.


A hopeless romantic:

Following a public telling off from Stalin one night, his wife ran off in desperation and shot herself.  



ABOVE: Stalin's second wife, Nadezhda Sergeyevna Alliluyeva... After her death he was almost on his way to becoming a pint sized Henry VIII 


So Funny, It Can Kill You

Despite being a grumpy little man, Stalin was also the man behind the most wicked practical joke ever played. Being a very private man he gave the order that no person should enter his bedchambers, even if his own guards suspected he may have fallen ill.



Later, while in his chambers he decided to test whether his guards had listened to this instruction. Pretending to scream in pain he called for the guards stationed outside the door. Fearing that their leader was in mortal danger the guards burst into the room… Stalin had them executed for failing to follow his standing orders.


This little prank soon backfired, however, when Stalin suffered a seizure while alone in his bedroom. The guards were too afraid to enter, finding him dead 46 hours later, laying in a puddle of stale urine.



Despite all of the above (not to mention that he had murdered more people than Hitler, Stalin was named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year TWICE! (first in 1939 and then in 1942). 

Categories: Correcting the Historical Record

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